It’s hard to believe that 2021 will soon be behind us. For some of us, it’s been a year of surviving while for others of us, it’s been a year of thriving.

The other day in my journal, I was writing all the lessons I learned this last year. I thought it would be great to share them with you and include some accompanying resources.

In no particular order, here are my Top 10 Learnings:

1. Men and women working together increase each other’s capacity. This comes from Daniel Strickland’s book, Better Together.

2. Leaders must prepare for sabotage. Leaders often fail because we overestimate people’s desire to want to change and underestimate their power to resist and the complex nature of emotional systems in organizations. This comes from Steve Cuss’ book Managing Leadership Anxiety and Richard Schwartz and Martha Sweezy’s book Internal Family Systems Therapy, Second Edition.

   Edwin H. Friedman, whom I’ll talk about in the next comment says this, “A widespread misunderstanding about the relational nature of destructive processes in families and institutions that leads leaders to assume that toxic forces can be regulated through reasonableness, love, insight, role-modeling, inculcation of values, and striving for consensus. It prevents them from taking the kind of stands that set limits to the invasiveness of those who lack self-regulation.” In the organization, leaders function as the “immune system,” suggests Friedman.

3. Self-differentiation is key to long-term success and survival in life and ministry. Some will also call this “loving detachment.” In his book, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of Quick Fix, Revised Edition, Edwin H. Friedman rightly states (and it’s worth paying attention to!) that “a leader must separate his or her own emotional being from that of his or her followers while still remaining connected.” He also defines maturity “as the willingness to take responsibility for one’s own emotional being and destiny.” This is worth you delving into if you’re a leader.

4. It’s important to fear God more than fearing others or their opinion of you. You were created by God and for God. What God says about you is more important and what God asks you to do he does for a reason.

5. Fires burn within each one of us. Some may call them desires or passions. Ronald Rohlheiser called them fires and says that “spirituality is about properly handling those fires, those powerful energies that flow through us.” This comes from his book Holy Longings. It’s important to note that your choices around how you handle your desires are either leading you towards more integration as a person or into further disintegration.

6. Internal Family Systems can, for some of us leaders, be the missing link in our healing and integration journey. This is true for me and several others I know. You can learn more about IFS in the books Braided Selves: Collected Essays Multiplicity, God, and Persons and Parts Work: An Illustrated Guide to Your Inner Life by Tom Holmes with Lauri Holmes.

7. Languishing is the enemy of creative flow. If this is a new word or concept to you, I suggest you watch Adam Grant’s TED Talk on How to Stop Languishing and Find Creative Flow.

8. If you throw a frog in boiling hot water it will get scalded and die. No, it will not jump out. It’s time we Think Again about some of the things we once believed. Adam Grant’s new book Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know is a great read!

9. Monks choose to live a monastic life because they want to organize their lives around a divine center, what’s our center and how will we organize our lives? A Rule of Life is a must have if you want to organize your life in a meaningful way. God in My Everything: How an Ancient Rhythm Helps Busy People Enjoy God by Ken Shigematsu is an easy and helpful read. An Invitation to a Well-Ordered Way: Crafting a Rule of Life by Stephen A. Macchia is another great resource. Another great resource that helped me early on in the year was a book by Laurie Beth Jones titled The Path: Creating Your Mission Statement for Work and For Life.

10. Do you have room to fall apart? If you’re serious about taking responsibility for your emotional wellbeing and destiny, then you’ll need to ensure you have margin in your life to do the work.

Bonuses:

“Your soul is a stream and you are its keeper.” Soulkeeping is a primary focus for me in this season.

If you’re looking for a resource to guide you through reflecting on 2021 and to assist you in planning for 2022, you can download my free Your Best Life 2022 Workbook.

Those are some of my top takeaways from 2021, what are some of yours?